I am Starting to Come back....More and More of my God Given Self is Returning...

Wow.........I enjoyed being me tonight....Just spending time with friends...my dear friend Dyan!  She has remained as strong as possible and continues to put her best foot forward in the midst of adversity.  I have to hand it to her ex-husband who is taking care of her.  He has been there for her...He is not perfect ...Yet he remains present in the midst of the storm of cancer.

This is more that I can say for D.S.!  He could not take the time to be present with his wife in her most difficult times but her mom...Mimi.....stood in his place.  The construction of his building and business  ordeals were more important.  This was a huge deciding point for me in choosing to end the relationship with the Narcissistic hot tub man...

He had some issues that speak volumes that will be discussed at a later blog:
Sexual addiction website ....herpes outbreak that was a gross siting...evidence of contacting other woman....anonymous phone call from a female regarding him......asking me about cognitive dissonance....canker sores.............his vacillating moods.....his computer showing porn activity...............his preoccupation with asking me if I was remorseful....rage over the fact that I dated an African American.........Very condescending and judgemental......Accusatory of me regarding my past ...which I was a predefining naive and dedicated single mom who rarely went out!!  he was the one running around ...business trips...drinking....trade shows....Vegas....."business".

New Year...... New Opportunity........Another Letter? Leave me Alone!

I have been very focused on moving forward beyond the past with this man..Dan S.......I gave back the ring in July/10 and told him specifically I will no longer tolerate his verbal belittling, control, jealousy, manipulation, false accusations, insecurity and rage.  I did not use the word "abuse" as I believed he would only become more explosive in his temperament.  I knew that I would become the fall guy for him and his issues and become the brunt of his ambivalence. He would tell people at church or friends that I was probably at fault regarding his financial mismanagement of overloaded years of debt or perhaps...I didn't measure up regarding his daughters.  After all, I went to every birthday, recital, chorus dinners and family holiday events with the exception of a few in three years.  He never took his two remaining daughters who live with him to visit my elderly mother in Pittsburgh because "I did not earn that yet!"  He told me that I had to "Step it up!"  Maybe...when I earned it ...and had More of a relationship and tried Harder....Just maybe I would have the allowance!

I always had a suspicion while I was with him that he was "involved" with past woman or acquaintances in order to fill his void of self.  This is an attribute of a Narcissist and it seems to becoming into fruition with me. Why was he not there for his wife when she was battling cancer...I was told by family and numerous people from church that he was absent a lot and apparently he was gone quite a bit after her passing...God Bless Her...  I continue to grieve for a wonderful woman who I never knew....because I only got a taste of what she went through with this man.....God Bless You.....Sue...I am sorry for the sadness you must have felt when he was constantly gone and you were a wonderful Mom to your four daughters.I believe I heard your voice through your youngest when we were in Spain...and I heard your daughter scream at her father that she would never let him get close to her ...as she yelled "You will never change and when I let you in and let my guard down ...You do the same thing over and over again...."!!!  Also, the warning from your very dear family member....who let me know ...that if it wasn't for you ...they didn't know where they would be today.......

Thank You Lord.......For sparing me from this Dysfunction......